
A living contradiction, Ed Witten was a firm supporter of the Alpha Betas. After this photo was taken, however, he had a change of heart and his efforts during the Greek Wars allowed the Tri-Lambs to seize the day.
Soon thereafter, Witten became weary of his increasing fame and joined the traveling circus in attempt to blend in with the other great elephants of his time: but he chose to forget the lesson that an elephant never rests. In the mid-90's, after an extraordinarily long performance by the bearded woman, the world was shocked to discover Witten's supergravity strength was more than just a crowd pleaser when he lifted five superstring theories straight into 11-dimensional spacetime. The Duality bros. juggling act was outshone by orders of magnitude. His unprecedented display of power inspired physicists and circus performers from around the world to fall off the wagon, promoting the liver disease that fueled the careers of doctoral students during the second superstring revolution. In the diaper-changing decision inspired by the birth of his new daughter Era, Witten accepted his position as our academic guardian; perhaps to the dismay of young teenagers with dreams of tenure and tattoos. To this day it is known where Witten lives, but few visit. Some prefer to imagine him as a smooth-talking, disembodied space-voice; the rest just close their eyes, conjecturing images of him in the fields of Langlands, roasting Taub-NUTs by the open fire.